From The Jasmine Salon in Alphabet City this is Media Blake Out!!Ladiess, let's give it up for the Don of the Down Low, Blake Out!
Blake Out: Sup Y'alllll?? This is Blake Out giving you the hottest gossip on who's in and who is OUT baby!! Yes Star Jones, your man will be talked about. Hollywood is gay and you need to know about it honey. Now, in an effort to "reach out", i'm going shake things up and invite a co-panelist. He's from California and he's a blogger on A Hot Mess, he's straight believe me i've tried. Ladies, give it up for some trife brotha named Justin.
*the crowd claps and some people boo*
Justin: You know what it is. Sup Blake?
Blake: MMmhmmm.
Justin: Ayo, what's up with that? I didn't come here for attitude. Yo, is it safe to have this many people in a tiny hair shop? It looks like a storage crate coming from Cuba up in here.
Blake: YOU 5-0 NIGGA? *pulls out a pink pistol* I ALREADY PAID OFF THE INSPECTOR! YOU NEED TO BOUNCE!
Justin: Naw man damn! But your check did bounce. I'm gonna need to hit up that register on the way out. Real talk.
Blake: Whateva, i'm gonna register this pistol up your ass. Anyway, lets talk about the latest everyone. You know you've gotta watch out for those R & B crooners y'all. But he never crossed my mind as a brotha playing for my team. YEAH RIGHT! Let's hit the footage to see who I'M talking about.
Blake: There you have it! The newest member of the DL Army, BRIAN MCKNIGHT!!!
Justin: Uh, dog. He was just standing next to dude. That doesn't mean he's pushin his pudding. Damn.
Blake: Don't you see the LOVE in their eyes! Can't you see how crazy in love these two are? I bet they went to their place and cuddled up with each other while watching Party of Five.
Justin: No, no not really. I think you're having a moment. Party of Five? Christ.
Blake: If you are gay Mistah McKnight, you picked a damn good time to turn the tide because i am single, chocolate and ready to melt. Give a brotha a call when you're ready for some dessert.
Justin: Wow. Moving on. Lance Bass just broke up with his long time lover. After being in the closet so long, it must be hard to lose someone like that right after you just outed yourself.
Blake: *snoores* Who CARES?! They're gay! We get it! Move on!
Justin: This is news, not guesstimates.
Blake: OOO WEE DON'T MAKE ME SLAP YOU! Next up, we have that tall handsome baller Cuttino Mobley. Apparently some pictures have come out and now what he is "cutting" is in question.
Blake: Look at that scarf? He looks like one of those gay thugs on the Wire trapped in Aspen.
Justin: Just because homeboy makes bad choices in fashion doesn't exactly make him gay.
Blake: WILL YOU SHUT UP!?
Justin: You don't pay me to shut up.
Blake: Well at least agree with the fact that his little buddy is gay.
Justin: Oh, no doubt. Dude is flamin. That Ne-Yo skull cap says it all.
Blake: Finally, I'm reaching back for this one. I'm gonna have to break out the Alize after this one because it's a DOUBLE OUT! This down low ninja has both a penchant for penis and a taste of the HIV. I hope y'all are sitting down for this one. The man is none other than...
Justin: OH HELL NAW! I can't even begin to co-sign this rumor. Didn't Darius play some sanitation dude in a TBN movie?
Blake: Now he's going to be playing a Santation dude in a Bravo movie...OKAYYYY? Apparently he got the virus from going to a down low party. He was put on blast from a blind item. But we all know it was him.
Justin: How? Were you at the party?
Blake: No, but i have a credible source who can identify his penis out of a lineup
Justin: I don't even want to be in the police station when that happens.
Blake: *singing* When dayyyys goooo byyyyy It's a Different love on the DOWWWNNNN LOWW!
Justin: Somebody pay me, i've had enough of this.
Blake: Next up, Nas and Jay, what's REALLY going on?
Justin: Oh hell, show's over. *screen goes black*
(The preceeding was a satire of how Mediatakeout portrays homosexual men. Or men that aren't gay that are just feminine. Or men who just aren't gay at all. As bloggers we need to pick and choose our outings and not just fire at will. With that being said i'm pretty sure that Tyler Perry is gay. Real talk.)
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